...illegal!

Grasshopper and I, plus a funny red helmet

"Backed into your scooter

Bad place to park

...illegal!!!"

I found this message written on the back of an envelope, taped onto the side mirror of my scooter today. The script was harsh and on further inspection I noticed the small dent, concave into my cowl that evidenced the encounter. The damage to the scooter wasn't that disconcerting, because I'm just Zen like that and have a deeply engrained understanding of the impermanence of everything. What irked me was their note.

I went to meet a friend for happy hour in the Pearl and rode my scooter straight there from work. Owning and driving a scooter is incredible fun. However, I have found parking to be a real bitch in this town. You'd think that Portland would cater somewhat to us scooter and motorcycle crowd. It's a self touted "Green" city that supports its eco friendly transportation. Doesn't my 90 mpg, 4 stroke, low emission mode give me some props in this town? I know it ain't a fixy! but come on!

I found a parking spot like I usually do; on the street, between two wide-set cars or at the end of a row. In this case, I parked at the back corner of the street, with my back tail light backed up to the parking sign that signaled that parking was not permitted past it. I often teeter myself on this edge of the law, where I have my back tire inside the line and straddle the bike along it, slightly askew, so that the front tire rests tilted just outside where it's permitted. A little mocking smile to parking enforcement who couldn't quite justify ticketing me for it.

Now, I have counted three streets in this entire city where I have found designated "motorcycle" parking.  (Thanks Magic Gardens :-) So, I have developed this strategy after several attempts at trial and error; and this phase of my motorcycle education has been costly. Actually, I think that I am close to having paid more in parking fines and registration costs than I paid for the bike!

Technically, I think that you are just expected to park in a car sized space. However, I have seen scooters do this before and you assume that the guy is a duche. So I don't do this. I have tried parking in that little triangle created by cars parked at an angle on the street, but was ticketed because I was pass the sign. I have parked in bicycle parking on the street and the sidewalk, got tickets. I have even taken a whole spot, paid for metered parking, and got a ticket cause someone stole my stick-on-receipt that, in a car, would be safe behind its window. I even contested that one! I had a receipt for the parking slip, but still had to pay the citation.

So I have developed this system that works fairly well for parking in the city. Like I said, I find spot at the end of the strip, guide it back into position and kick up on the stand. I paid for parking, so the city gets that much more out of their parking real estate, and head inside. I did happen to notice the car in front of me and considered whether they had the room to leave. It was a Ford Expedition, which is third in mass to the Hummer and the Toyota Tundra I think, just a massive thing, but there was plenty of room in front of them and if they knew my bike was there, they had plenty of room to get out.

Well, I guess that wasn't the case, they didn't see that I was there. Got in, backed up and bumped into little Grasshopper. I mean, I'm glad they didn't knock him down or anything, cause then I would have been way inside the no parking zone, would have probably been ticketed and had my bike all fucked up. All that equating to a major disruption in my Zen worldview.

Anyway, what I don't understand, is that this person got out of their giant, nearly indestructible vehicle walked over, saw my scooter and decided to get mad at it.

"Backed into your scooter

Bad place to park

...illegal!!!"

There was no apology in their hastily scribed note, just an omnipotent judgement of fact. Damn! Here was someone that truly understood the motorcycle parking laws of Portland, and I missed my chance to learn from their huge brain. 

I really just don't understand why this person even wrote a note, if all they planned to do was add insult to injury. That is just plain mean. Was it to just absolve their guilt and pass on the blame? I'm sure they were startled when they hit it, and maybe felt stupid, but... whatever. Who even cares about the inner workings of the mind an asshole?