Dear Yeezus West, I’m racist right?

Last night was a great show for Lowell at Bunk Bar Water Ave in Portland.

I wore my #Yeezus shirt, as I often do. The show ended, I was outside talking to friends when a modern punk feminist named Robin approached me, “That’s so racist”, she said pointing at the Skull wearing a Native American headdress. I turned to her thrilled.

I make the proper introductions customary for speaking to strangers then finish, “I’m so glad you’ve said so, let’s talk about it! Am I racist?”

“You are racist”, she acknowledged pulling out a pack of cigarettes. I bum one.

“But it’s a Kanye West T-Shirt! YEEZUS”, I counter pulling my finger across the word on my chest.

Mine is white, and a baggy XXL

“You’re still racist!”

“But don’t you believe in context? Do you understand the context here? I’m gladly willing to discuss my white guilt and the plight of the Indian Peoples. I understand that this image can be insulting. But Andrew Jackson was the only US President to ever disobey a judicial order from the Supreme Court by forcing the Cherokee into the Trial of Tears, Custer’s Last Stand, calvary cowboy grandstanding… there’s a lot of terrible shit there!”

“You’re racist! You can’t wear that. The historical oppression of the white man on Native Americans was genocide and betrayal”, she stared unimpressed through her thick rimmed glasses.

“Right! But it’s Kanye! Doesn’t he understand racism? It’s a Yeesuz shirt! What could be more racist to a white Christian male in America than to blaspheme Jesus Christ?”

She puffs her cigarette, her eyes are like stone, “There’s no such thing as reverse racism. You can’t be oppressed as the dominant class of our society”. Her passion shows as she raises her voice.

“Don’t lump me into the broad historical ‘White Male’ category, I’m one person, right here ready to talk about it. I’m not victimized by reverse racism. I’m at this show, LGBT L.O.V.E.”

“Ya you did! You’re racist.” Oh man.

“Well”, I shout as she’s walking away from her dropped, smoldering cigarette “Think about it! We have to talk in order to address it properly. Love your name by the way, best dance music ever.” 

The conversation here is a bit editorialized and brief, but I’ll vouch for the accuracy of content. I wasn’t bothered by Robin. It’s an offensive image for sure, I know that, and I bought it for its brazen irreverence. I think that I understand its context; intellectually at least. You have to be conscious of the opinions of my #fashion or something. Style and presentation are first, so therefore everything. Especially if you are a white, post-Christian, fully employed man in America. Don't ever apologize to me though, honestly.    

The 2014 Summer of Leroy

As of this writing (Labor Day 2014), the last time I worked was Monday, June 30th, 2014. Honestly, I had been checked out since the summer began, ever since the sun blasted out the gloom in Portland. Using Oregon's enhancements to FMLA, I took a total of 3 months off of work this year to care for our newborn son, Leroy James Fretz. The first four weeks occurred on his arrival, February 18th, and the following months, July and August. This has been the best summer of my life, and that's choosing from a pretty epic history of great summers. I'll tell you why.

Well obviously, my life has changed forever as I've entered a whole new chapter of my life. I have become father to a handsome, happy, and willful child. I'm also incredibly in love with my wife of ten years, have a comfortable home, good work and a great city. So all that helps. It all feels timely as well, as I've recently entered my thirties with great relief, ready to cast my bad habits aside for healthier ones and conquer big goals and larger demons. This time away from work, away from "life" even, has given me time to catch my breath, clear my thoughts. I've had Leroy to keep me grounded with lots of time in my head, pondering priorities.

Leroy has given me depth of vision, a longer view of our horizon. I've told friends how I would plan life in short bursts, 18 - 24 months at a time. I held a general idea of what I wanted for Team Fretz, expectations for myself, but we remained uncommitted. Ambiguity left me pressed for time and decision, I would question my purpose. That all changed when I found out about the baby. Suddenly I was thinking in terms of 5 years, 10 short years, the long 18 years. We also required definite decisions and stability. Bingo!

I'm real big on making lists and flow charts. I believe strongly in the power of written words. I recently realized how empowering it can be to own your decisions. I made this a focus of party conversations, personal reflections, and got great advice. Do no harm, have fun, and focus on what you love!


I wrote this list prior to taking my paternity leave:

What I'd Like to Accomplish:

• Complete Pending Home Projects 
• Get Leroy into Good Habits and a Predictable Schedule
• Make Progress on the El Camino 
• Nurture Good Eating and Work-Out Habits
• Do Not Go Completely BROKE!
• Finally, Enjoy Myself and Make Memories

Being now on this side of my leave, I look at my list and feel pretty great about it. I got a lot done at home. I started some new projects of course, like my brick patio, but I wrapped up a lot of those to-do items that hung on my list for months.

I feel like Leroy developed a lot during my time with him. He started sitting independently, we started solids, he grew like a chubby pumpkin. Also, we figured out his happiest schedule, lots of naps. We continue to work on his sleep training, eating solids, etc. But of course that work continues.

I don't think I even took the cover off the El Camino, ha! I did lose about ten pounds though, this was done by taking lots of walks, working hard in the yard, drinking a lot less and Baby Barbells. I hope to keep this going, build workouts into my schedule.

Financially, Team Fretz did all right. We had to absorb some more debt, but I had a few tactics that I think helped out a lot. I quit drinking for the most part, we cancelled a lot of re-occurring bills/contributions, and I managed to make a lot more food at home instead of eating out so much. Oh, I also coupon'd like crazy! It looks like we were able to reduce our typical expenditures by half. I also learned a lot during this time that I hope to carry forward as I begin to bring home a paycheck again. The plan is to return to our debt deflation plan, keep things simple, and just focus on our monthly budgets as a family.

Last of all, I had the best summer of my life. My tactic was to remain present with Leroy. I also pushed myself out of my comfort zone a lot. Going out to lots of free Portland events and lots of far off walks. He was a real challenge and I have a whole new understanding of what it would take to be a stay at home parent (the $1k/month daycare expense now seems much more worth while). However, I would never take that time back. I will miss him like crazy and we are so much closer because of it all.