I believe in the power of words

I've started entering contests. I originally got this idea to do so in Middle School, I thought it would be an alright career to just constantly enter contests.

More recently, I started with this one that arrived in my Natural Gas Utility Bill. @NWNatural #neverendinggrill

The idea is to try to bank on this good luck that frequently occurs during my days. To cash in on my tall, white male dominance in this World. I know that I enjoy many blessings in this life, namely my home life, good health, acceptable looks, my general intelligence and charm. I bring this up not to boast, but to be publicly grateful. Also, I'm aware of the tendency to hex oneself where luck is concerned, so allow me to grin and knock on wood here. Why not seek out and find contests and use my success, or lack thereof, as a barometer of how Karma is doing.

For example, I recently filled out an online review of my dentist office, and I won two tickets to the Blazers game on Sunday, October 9th with the Denver Nuggets. Alright, winning! Also, when Katherine and I needed a new bed, I found this Simmons® Beautyrest® contest and we both entered via text and online everyday for 6 weeks and ended up getting a mail-in-rebate of over $350. That's something!

So I will shamelessly be promoting brands that have contests through my social network. I'll be asking you to like my photos, and trying to get stuff started. Just a warning that I'm jumping into this market and I'm taking you all along for the ride.

Leveled up at life! Taking Leroy back to SxS

This is the next chapter and update to my last post, Daycare Dilemma.

We had Leroy home for some time. Between Julie and Mike being here until Monday, and Katherine and I splitting his care on Tuesday (which is his typical day off during the week), we didn't have to have to take him back until Wednesday of this week. In typical Millennial fashion, we waited to the last minute to try addressing our concerns to the Director at SxS. Katherine wrote a great, respectful email the morning we took him in and I dropped him off on my way to work. She spelled out our concerns, even empathized as a fellow manager. She was firm, but not unreasonable. I was proud, she nailed it!

The director wrote back within hours. Her response was apologetic, respectful, and her tone matched ours with humility. She took responsibility, and shared our our horror at what happened. It turns out that they actually let that employee go over what happened. It wasn't the first lapse that management had to address and apparently the employee wasn't responsive to the criticism. She didn't take it seriously, so they let her go. I only feel a little guilty, but mostly I feel empowered by our approach to our dilemma.

Katherine and I talked it out, we freaked out a bit, we discussed our options and processed the situation. We confronted them like adults (I feel like), and they responded in kind. I mean, there is still a ways to go, and we have to work towards perfecting our relationship, making SxS into the provider we expect for Leroy. But I can't help but feel like we have made a positive step from our first reaction which was angry and reactionary. I'm embolden towards reason.

Coming out of my wide eyed, optimistic youth, I have so often been disappointed in my adult life with the sort of reactions I get from the World. Many times when I find myself in challenging situations and I try to act as my morals dictate, I don't find my intentions reciprocated. Or I even find myself being taken advantage of. Especially when viewing larger cultural events, I tend to see things played out negatively. Or I become appalled at people's seemingly sinister self preservation over humanity. I have to admit that I'm becoming jaded.

However, no! People can be reasonable. We can stand up for ourselves and ask for what we expect. Our first step doesn't always have to be reaction. I guess this is over dramatic, but hey, I'm just feeling a bit pumped this week.

Our next step is going to be to really outline (as in write and deliver) what we expect from SxS, and what Leroy's schedule should ideally look like. We can reiterate our appreciation too, and talk about what has been working for us so that it continues. It doesn't have to be a contract, just a syllabus. We can set the tone for our expectations. I'm feeling much better.    

Daycare Dilemma

We have been steadily loosing faith in our daycare. A few set backs with Leroy's sleeping, a major safety mistake by the employees, and a little lack of communication has lead us here. We're new parents and Leroy is our main man, so we are ready to go to bat for him.

Up until this month, we have really liked the place, we'll call it SxS. The girls were really friendly and the house was aways clean. I felt like I have a good chemistry with the staff, I was learning everyones names as best I could (especially the other kids). I kept it friendly and felt respected.

I also like how close it is to our home, walking isn't a problem. There is a bit of a hill, but I can always enjoy exercise and scenery (Portland is paradise).  SxS feeds him, diapers him throughout the day. They focus on good local diets, the director assured me. I took the tour during my leave from work. It has also been a staple of the community and has a fairly good reputation.

So get to the dirty right? Katherine's parents were in town this last weekend; we all love it when they visit. Mike and Julie landed at PDX while we were both at work. They got to our place, settled, then walked over to SxS to pick up the boy. This was all pre-arranged, and I let them know that morning when I dropped him off. I wrote down their names and asked if they would check ID. Common sense expectation. I also let them know that he should have his morning nap soon, he had been up early.

Well basically, none of this happened. He hadn't slept by the time his Nana and Papa arrived around 10:45am to pick him up. I was told that they asked if he had napped and the girls laughed it off saying that Leroy never sleeps. They also let Mike and Julie leave with him without checking their IDs'. (No emphasis added) I'll mention now that this was Friday, Halloween, the night of the living dead.

Leroy has recently started moving a lot, and he has ramped up his play and exploration. We read that during this time, it is common for babies to now have a hard time to settle down; their brains become stimulated with problem solving. He has a hard time holding still, even when he is tired, he will roll over or get on all fours. He will sit up, he has been moving all day. We understand that it becomes important at this stage to ensure that he has good naps throughout the day, so that he does not become over tired. Other parents will probably understand what I mean. If he goes too long without rest, the rest of his schedule goes to shit and we are left with the aftermath.

In fact, Leroy didn't take a proper nap until 1pm and he slept for just an hour. Katherine had a bit of a breakdown for the next several hours as she tried to focus on work, coordinate with her parents, and vented to me pleading for relief. I came home quickly once work ended at 4pm to wrestle him down into dreamland. He was so wound up, he kicked and his body jostled to settle down. He kept his eyes closed and cried his mantra moan. Luckily, I had done plenty of his sleep dance over the last 8 months, and I got him asleep in his crib after some time. I patiently fumed though, I replayed what could have gone better.  

I say proper nap, because Mike took Leroy out for a long walk around our neighborhood. It was a lovely day, and he was able get fresh air with Papa, to rest and sleep in his Bob Stroller. In fact, both he and Julie were great with him, I do not critique them. Do not mistake me. Our frustration is with the team that we hired to care for our son. His sleep that night was not good. He was up and down every few hours, from 2am through the morning.

It wasn't just Halloween. His sleeping has been getting more and more difficult. When I went back to work, and during the beginning of his time at SxS, we had a good schedule. He napped at about 9am, 12noon, 4pm, and then most likely he was asleep for the night between 7 - 8pm, generally. At first his daily report cards reflected this too, but in the last month or so, this pattern fell apart. Granted, he started crawling; we also finished switching him to mostly formula. Our concern at this point though, is the perceived lack of concern or perhaps followthrough at daycare. The new director has discussed his sleep training with us, but consistency is really what is most important we feel.

Katherine and I are deliberate in the way that we live, we absolutely reap what we sow, so we try to approach our challenges with perspective. We also work in customer service and have a high standard for what we deserve from our money. It is important to be reasonable. We are now in the position though, to start looking for another option to make itself clear to us.

I want to at least have a discussion again with the directors. I'm not looking to raise Hell, but I don't want this to continue as it has been. Katherine has said that if we do stay, and anything terrible were ever to happen at SxS, then we would say that this was the red flag we should have pulled. She's right. So that's our dilemma.

Everything online in moderation

So I came across this video on Facebook and thought it was interesting. Especially all the support it has garnered. So this is the counter-argument to my plan to plug in online right?

Post by Prince Ea.

I identify with his conclusions. I felt an opposition for a long time to allowing technology to take over my life. I postponed a smart phone, and I closed down my Facebook once before. I prefer physical interactions and to remain present in the moments that I occupy. I would become annoyed at friends stuck on their phones, or dependent on Siri to get around the block. IDK, I'm passed that now. I believe in moderation and like all things in life, will have to manage this change of our culture as well.

It's not like we can go back to the 90's. We have to learn to live now. Also, we live in a competitive environment. If people fall behind on social skills, don't know how to police themselves, or moderate their intake. Then that just makes the world more accessible for those of us that do make the effort. So, I don't worry too much about those arguments of a Wall-E like future.

Also, I believe in changing fashion; in generational shift. I think that eventually, as this new wave of technology washes over our culture. The newer generations will eventually live with, reject, or challenge it in ways that will negate its adverse effects on us now. What I mean is that eventually, it will be pretty nerdy and uncool to be overly invested online, and being able to engage on a personal level will become "cool" and things will wash out.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue to explore the new online frontier and try not to look too dorky while engrossed on my phone.  

Dear Yeezus West, I’m racist right?

Last night was a great show for Lowell at Bunk Bar Water Ave in Portland.

I wore my #Yeezus shirt, as I often do. The show ended, I was outside talking to friends when a modern punk feminist named Robin approached me, “That’s so racist”, she said pointing at the Skull wearing a Native American headdress. I turned to her thrilled.

I make the proper introductions customary for speaking to strangers then finish, “I’m so glad you’ve said so, let’s talk about it! Am I racist?”

“You are racist”, she acknowledged pulling out a pack of cigarettes. I bum one.

“But it’s a Kanye West T-Shirt! YEEZUS”, I counter pulling my finger across the word on my chest.

Mine is white, and a baggy XXL

“You’re still racist!”

“But don’t you believe in context? Do you understand the context here? I’m gladly willing to discuss my white guilt and the plight of the Indian Peoples. I understand that this image can be insulting. But Andrew Jackson was the only US President to ever disobey a judicial order from the Supreme Court by forcing the Cherokee into the Trial of Tears, Custer’s Last Stand, calvary cowboy grandstanding… there’s a lot of terrible shit there!”

“You’re racist! You can’t wear that. The historical oppression of the white man on Native Americans was genocide and betrayal”, she stared unimpressed through her thick rimmed glasses.

“Right! But it’s Kanye! Doesn’t he understand racism? It’s a Yeesuz shirt! What could be more racist to a white Christian male in America than to blaspheme Jesus Christ?”

She puffs her cigarette, her eyes are like stone, “There’s no such thing as reverse racism. You can’t be oppressed as the dominant class of our society”. Her passion shows as she raises her voice.

“Don’t lump me into the broad historical ‘White Male’ category, I’m one person, right here ready to talk about it. I’m not victimized by reverse racism. I’m at this show, LGBT L.O.V.E.”

“Ya you did! You’re racist.” Oh man.

“Well”, I shout as she’s walking away from her dropped, smoldering cigarette “Think about it! We have to talk in order to address it properly. Love your name by the way, best dance music ever.” 

The conversation here is a bit editorialized and brief, but I’ll vouch for the accuracy of content. I wasn’t bothered by Robin. It’s an offensive image for sure, I know that, and I bought it for its brazen irreverence. I think that I understand its context; intellectually at least. You have to be conscious of the opinions of my #fashion or something. Style and presentation are first, so therefore everything. Especially if you are a white, post-Christian, fully employed man in America. Don't ever apologize to me though, honestly.    

The 2014 Summer of Leroy

As of this writing (Labor Day 2014), the last time I worked was Monday, June 30th, 2014. Honestly, I had been checked out since the summer began, ever since the sun blasted out the gloom in Portland. Using Oregon's enhancements to FMLA, I took a total of 3 months off of work this year to care for our newborn son, Leroy James Fretz. The first four weeks occurred on his arrival, February 18th, and the following months, July and August. This has been the best summer of my life, and that's choosing from a pretty epic history of great summers. I'll tell you why.

Well obviously, my life has changed forever as I've entered a whole new chapter of my life. I have become father to a handsome, happy, and willful child. I'm also incredibly in love with my wife of ten years, have a comfortable home, good work and a great city. So all that helps. It all feels timely as well, as I've recently entered my thirties with great relief, ready to cast my bad habits aside for healthier ones and conquer big goals and larger demons. This time away from work, away from "life" even, has given me time to catch my breath, clear my thoughts. I've had Leroy to keep me grounded with lots of time in my head, pondering priorities.

Leroy has given me depth of vision, a longer view of our horizon. I've told friends how I would plan life in short bursts, 18 - 24 months at a time. I held a general idea of what I wanted for Team Fretz, expectations for myself, but we remained uncommitted. Ambiguity left me pressed for time and decision, I would question my purpose. That all changed when I found out about the baby. Suddenly I was thinking in terms of 5 years, 10 short years, the long 18 years. We also required definite decisions and stability. Bingo!

I'm real big on making lists and flow charts. I believe strongly in the power of written words. I recently realized how empowering it can be to own your decisions. I made this a focus of party conversations, personal reflections, and got great advice. Do no harm, have fun, and focus on what you love!


I wrote this list prior to taking my paternity leave:

What I'd Like to Accomplish:

• Complete Pending Home Projects 
• Get Leroy into Good Habits and a Predictable Schedule
• Make Progress on the El Camino 
• Nurture Good Eating and Work-Out Habits
• Do Not Go Completely BROKE!
• Finally, Enjoy Myself and Make Memories

Being now on this side of my leave, I look at my list and feel pretty great about it. I got a lot done at home. I started some new projects of course, like my brick patio, but I wrapped up a lot of those to-do items that hung on my list for months.

I feel like Leroy developed a lot during my time with him. He started sitting independently, we started solids, he grew like a chubby pumpkin. Also, we figured out his happiest schedule, lots of naps. We continue to work on his sleep training, eating solids, etc. But of course that work continues.

I don't think I even took the cover off the El Camino, ha! I did lose about ten pounds though, this was done by taking lots of walks, working hard in the yard, drinking a lot less and Baby Barbells. I hope to keep this going, build workouts into my schedule.

Financially, Team Fretz did all right. We had to absorb some more debt, but I had a few tactics that I think helped out a lot. I quit drinking for the most part, we cancelled a lot of re-occurring bills/contributions, and I managed to make a lot more food at home instead of eating out so much. Oh, I also coupon'd like crazy! It looks like we were able to reduce our typical expenditures by half. I also learned a lot during this time that I hope to carry forward as I begin to bring home a paycheck again. The plan is to return to our debt deflation plan, keep things simple, and just focus on our monthly budgets as a family.

Last of all, I had the best summer of my life. My tactic was to remain present with Leroy. I also pushed myself out of my comfort zone a lot. Going out to lots of free Portland events and lots of far off walks. He was a real challenge and I have a whole new understanding of what it would take to be a stay at home parent (the $1k/month daycare expense now seems much more worth while). However, I would never take that time back. I will miss him like crazy and we are so much closer because of it all.

If there is a "Greatest Thing In My Life"...

1/5/07 9:39 PM

It starts with us.

Then we become a family and our Team Fretz grows.

Hello Internet!

I've been considering this move for a long time, but I think that the time is finally here. I'm ready to dedicate myself to the Internet as the new frontier, a messy techno promised land.

I've always joked that I have terrible internet habits. I used it for email, shopping, and porn. My poor Facebook friends went mostly ignored. I actually deleted my profile for a while because I was such a bad Facebook friend, and it stressed me out being a bad friend, even virtually.

I gravitate towards extremes. I've learned this about myself. I like to be all in, or not at all. I like extreme personalities and people. I used to think I might be bi-polar, but my lady psychiatrist disagrees. I'm just attracted to polarities. I've chalked it up to living in Utah for so long. (More on this some other time) So, I've excused myself from fully participating in technology because casual interaction is unappealing to me. I've preferred to dedicate myself to the terrestrial realm as much as possible, avoiding distraction.

I'm here now though, at this moment where I think it's time to come out of the closet. I understand that we are in an important age in human evolution. We all see this right? The Information Age, technology, the empowerment of the individual. Personal enlightenment over mass-hysteria, individual vs. the state. I don't now yet, these are big themes; all I know is that I am ready to sacrifice my privacy for this. I want to venture forth and claim my digital space, a deliberate decision on my part to make something of this space.

BTW, I just signed up for twitter @RyanDanielFretz #andsoitbegins   

RE: Solicitation of One 1978 CHEVROLET El Camino

If you read through the email above, you see that I sought the "easy-out" for my Black Knight Project. However, I included a healthy premium in my asking price to account for the fact that I'm not really ready to give him up. Every project reaches this reflective hiatus, especially casual automotive projects. There is that appeal to dropping a lengthy to-do list from my goals binder: move on.

But, honestly, I want to see this guy through. When the cover is off I can't stop staring at him. It's a cool one, lot's of work, but worthy work.